I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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