I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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