filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
