When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
