He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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