You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
