I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
