My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
