You smell like a Billy Joel song
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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