I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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