I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
