a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize