i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
