my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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