I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
