He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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