I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
