Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
