Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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