he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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