I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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