1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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