the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
