I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize