i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
