I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
