either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
