True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
