Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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