I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
