We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
