Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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