My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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