New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
