i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
