i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
