Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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