I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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