i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
