my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
