some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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