Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
