That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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