he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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