If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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