I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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