I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
