I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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