Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
