just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
