You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
