Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
