What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
