Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Someone came in the potted fern
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
