woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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