You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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