were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
