I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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