i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
