This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
