Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
