I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
