Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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