New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
